Have you ever looked back on a relationship and felt like you wasted the time you spent with that person? Do you feel like you are attracting the wrong people into your life? Was everything great initially, then after you fell hard, things changed, and you started to feel unsafe, mistreated, and confused? Aww, no worries, we all make mistakes. The key is to learn from them. The first time. But what if one or more of the above statements happened more than once? How will you break the cycle? You have come to the right place. Your Emotions Matter offers emotional support, and we are here to take you step by step. Here are 6 ways to avoid falling for, or to avoid staying with the wrong person.
Examine Your Motives
The first step is awareness and self-awareness. Both are needed to feel a change and difference in how you move, the next time you meet someone new or decide to keep someone around who is stressing you out. Be aware of and examine your motives. This is the time to have a conversation with yourself and ask, “Why am I entertaining this person?” What is it that you seek from this person other than the familiar companionship, sex, and or someone to spend time with? Ask yourself questions to make sure that the answers are not on the surface or superficial. The goal is to be self-aware, so you will already know precisely what you want your next relationship to look like. What qualities do you want in him/her? How would you like to be treated? Are you seeking someone to compliment your growth and to build with?
Give It Time
Yes. Give. It. Time. I met my ex-husband when I was twelve and fell for him when I was fourteen. When we finally got together seven years later, I became pregnant without taking more time to know him. I moved in with him within 2 months of us becoming exclusive. Yep, the red flags were apparent. Since I was attached before we became connected, I had no idea I could have kept my emotions in check. With that said, be friends first; take plenty of time to get to know who you are spending your time with. There should be no rush. Ask deep and vital questions. I suggest you wait to have sex because the oxytocin will be released. You will grow attached, and the next thing you know, you will be making excuses for unhealthy behavior. Be okay and open for it to “not” work out.
I receive questions like, “How do I say this to him/her?” You say it. “What happened? Is it something I said?” No, if they cannot respect how you feel, they are not for you. You know how important communication is, therefore, communicate. And do it without “fear” of running this person off. Be open and honest about who you are and what you want. Share how you feel fearlessly so you may find out up front who you are dating. Of course, use common sense when talking about credit scores, std’s, and marriage. You get the point. Do not hold back on what you want to say because the right person will listen and respect you for being open and honest. Challenge him or her.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” – Maya Angelou. Red flags are red for a reason. So, you can see them. When you see, feel, or hear the first sign of confusion, the purpose here is to take some time out to recognize it and do not ignore it. Yes, he/she is cute. Yes, he/she has a good job or is good in bed. Do not allow superficial desires, a fantasy, pressure from others, or the potential you feel this person has if he/she is blatantly showing you the opposite. Please pay attention, again not only to your own motives, and to their reasons as well. Sit back and observe their behavior, how they treat their family, how they react when upset, basically how they navigate in their world. Picture yourself in their world before you become a part of it.
What if you have your own money, are confident, and are secure within? You are healed, and basically do not feel you have to rely on someone else to fulfill the needs that you can satisfy on your own? If you do not feel the need to depend on another person to satisfy a need you can achieve on your own, you will not feel the need to hang around and remain caught up with the wrong person. You will feel free to let him or her go because you are secure enough to say, “Nah, not for me.” And you are okay with leaving him/her alone. All of this I express here are in the early stages. Just like buying a car, house, or building a business, you must prepare and plan if you want to be successful. Successful relationships require planning and personal development.
Be Emotionally Intelligent
Your Emotions Matter was founded on the skill of being emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence means that you use logic and emotion simultaneously, instead of one or the other. Since most decisions are emotional, you must be careful not to allow the full feeling to get the best of you. For instance, you still “love” someone that has repeatedly cheated on you. I am not discounting how you feel. In similar scenarios, you must understand that emotions are flexible, they offer information, they can be managed, and they can be changed. Just because you “feel” a certain way, that alone will not make an unhealthy relationship healthy. Start to notice how many times your emotions change in a day. Feelings come and go; they flow like waves. It is your call to take control of your emotions and steer yourself into the relationship of your dreams.
The key here is to be mindful. The goal is to develop that best relationship with yourself. That will flow into your choices on your path to other healthy relationships. Become so powerful that you cannot help but to repel the wrong person. Period. Unhealthy relationships are a thing of the past. At least it is for you. We are here to support you on your journey to healthy relationships, for life. Now, I wouldn’t say I like to generalize, and there are exceptions to the rule. The above tips are starting points for you to become aware of, so you may not get ahead of yourself, or better yet, not allow someone else to get ahead of you.
Before entering your last relationship, did you seek relationship advice? When things went wrong, did you struggle to communicate effectively? I know no one goes in knowing that they will need relationship help. Do not get me wrong. Relationship counseling is recommended before committing to a relationship to allow that objective point of view to help you iron things out before the big commitment, and of course, along the way. I suggest you do not skip this part; counseling is like maintenance on your car. Without those oil changes and inspections, you will come in with one costly problem. Take care of your mental and emotional health regarding your relationships. Make that “maintenance” a priority. And in these times, online counseling is now available to help you with any obstacles you may face to move you into your best relationships.
Do you have any questions, have given up on dating, or are frustrated in your current relationship? We would love to hear from you. May you let us know what you think in the comments? Would you like to discuss with us if Your Emotions Matter is a good fit for you? Feel free to contact us by clicking here to have a complimentary one-on-one, 30-minute session with Tiffany. We encourage you to Reach Out, Speak Up, & Create Change. Why? Because…You Matter.
Hello single gentlemen, I am Tiffany J. Norwood, CNLP, CEQP. I encourage the phrase "healthy relationships" to become a part of your heart and mind. I am the founder and CEO of Your Emotions Matter, a certified Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence practitioner, a certified NLP practitioner, a transformational speaker, and an author. (NLP is the study and understanding of how human beings communicate and perceive communication from others). I am the mother of three beautiful young women, and my passion is helping you create power through understanding your emotions. I am from southern California, and in my spare time, I enjoy the shooting range, travel, and any adventurous activity.
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