Are you feeling stagnated, angered, or discouraged because of the past? Do those past thoughts seem to creep up on you right when you think you are getting ahead? Are you looking for ways to let go of the past? Several years ago, on my birthday, I entered a new decade. I said to myself, I said, “Self, I am NOT going to live another decade of life the same way I have lived the last one.” Two years later, I filed for divorce, and today I am writing this blog post as the founder and CEO of Your Emotions Matter. Why? Because…I do not wish on my worst enemy to live life in constant inner turmoil because of a disappointing past. Let alone repeating dysfunction, especially when it comes to relationships. Here I share six behaviors you can adopt to release the past, now, and for good.
Did you know that the emotion of gratitude is the most powerful emotion that you can feel? This feeling literally has positive effects on your mind and heart (body) – which both need to function coherently in a healthy manner. Worry, doubt, fear, and stress bring a strain on your mind and heart, which will, if prolonged, turn to sickness and disease and will work against your body. For this reason, find reasons to be grateful for the experiences you have had in the past. Someone may have disappointed you. Can you find a reason(s) to be thankful for that person? What silver lining can you pull from this past event? Are you a better person because of it? I suggest starting a gratitude journal because this would help rewire your brain to focus on what is right, bringing more things to be grateful for into your life, literally.
Release your thoughts
It has been several weeks since I have written, and this subject was on my heart as I woke up this morning. I could not go through today without writing it because I found that this question needed to be answered. I recently asked a few people how I could help them. Hence the inspiration for this article. The point is, this is something they are struggling with, and No. One. Knows. I created Your Emotions Matter so you can have a safe space to express how you feel with no judgment and receive help with your concerns. Release your thoughts. Reach out to someone. Seek a counselor or therapist. Start another journal (apart from the grateful one) and get those thoughts out of your head. Holding in or suppressing how you feel is not healthy. Your body is not made to function correctly this way.
Look for the Lesson
Looking back, I remember not knowing much of what I wanted. As life progressed, even though I was blessed, I learned quickly what I did not want. No pain, no gain. Ask any successful person today, and they have come from some adversity. What you went through in your past taught you something. There is a lesson to be learned by what happened, what did not happen, how you were treated, or how life has unfolded for you. Be careful not to carry around avoidance or distrust. Seek the lesson and use it to your advantage. Use the lesson to find meaning in your life. Once you seek your past blessings, you will find that you appreciate those blessings, helping ease the pain. How you perceive your past matters. It was not a death sentence. It gave you LIFE.
Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Ask yourself. Why allow someone to have that much power over you? Forgive, and let go. Release that burden from your heart. Keep in mind that emotional (and mental) health is a top priority and unforgiveness gets in the way. Forgiving does not mean you need to trust them or allow them in your life. It means you can move forward with peace in your heart. Forgive and have compassion for yourself. You may have been a part of what happened. Look in the mirror and repeat to yourself three times each. “I forgive myself for_______.” Then,” I am proud of my forgiving heart. I live in peace, joy, and love.” Forgive the other person and yourself. Your heart will thank you.
Accept that all is accountable
People do the best that they know how to do at any point in time. Was it best for you? Probably not. Still, they did the best they knew how to do. How about you? Did you do the best you knew how to do? And for those of you who have struggled with a parent, you were innocent, and it was not your fault. You had no control over the other person and vice versa. Knowing that you cannot control another person and that other people cannot control you is critical. Allow me to add that one of the most powerful mindsets that you can have is not to allow anything, circumstances, nor anyone to move your state of being/peace of mind. Period.
What you do have control over is yourself. Remain accountable for yourself and what they have done is their responsibility. Know that people will struggle until they decide the struggle is over. Some will get there, and some will not. It is now up to you to decide that your struggle is over. Always know that the power and strength that you need is already within you to do so. You have complete control over your present and future, should you decide. May, your positive mindset set you free.
Know that you deserve better
Your brain is hard-wired to seek out the negative. Those overbearing thoughts of the past will naturally continue to bug you unconsciously. Now that you know this, you, your conscious mind, can tell your unconscious mind to shut the fuck up. Your thoughts of the past will always come to annoy you. The powerful thing is that you get to decide not to listen to it. You think, “I am not worthy,” and you get to counter it and say, “I AM worthy.” Please find what you want in your life and know that you deserve better than what happened in the past. You have the power to make it so. You understand that you cannot change the past, and the present and future is directed by how you see yourself right now. See yourself in the most positive light, so you will feel how worthy you are.
With all this said, the reason why your past continues to resurface is that your unconscious mind stores memories that are similar, things you were taught, witnessed, and experienced. If the past is left unchecked, unanalyzed, and undealt with, it will resurface and run your life without you even knowing it. You are a creature of habits and of patterns that can be tamed for good. You, your conscious mind, is in control. It takes conscious effort and practice to turn those thoughts around. Practice these tips daily and begin to feel the improvement. Practice being and feeling who you want to be without the need for external validation. I changed my life by doing one thing. The one thing I did was make a decision. What decision will you choose to make today?
Your Emotions Matter offers relationship advice, along with emotional support through emotional intelligence. When you communicate effectively with yourself, your life begins to change. Doing this is not easy, and yes, it takes self-work. Online counseling makes it convenient for you to seek the relationship help you need in an anonymous setting. We are here to support and empower you on your journey to your best relationships, especially the one with yourself. We would love to hear from you. May you let us know what you think in the comments? Would you like to discuss with us if Your Emotions Matter is a good fit for you? Click here for a complimentary one on one 30-minute meeting with Tiffany. We encourage you to reach out, speak up, and create change. Why? Because…You Matter.
Hello single gentlemen, I am Tiffany J. Norwood, CNLP, CEQP. I encourage the phrase "healthy relationships" to become a part of your heart and mind. I am the founder and CEO of Your Emotions Matter, a certified Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence practitioner, a certified NLP practitioner, a transformational speaker, and an author. (NLP is the study and understanding of how human beings communicate and perceive communication from others). I am the mother of three beautiful young women, and my passion is helping you create power through understanding your emotions. I am from southern California, and in my spare time, I enjoy the shooting range, travel, and any adventurous activity.
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