Relationships are challenging for many reasons. I am sharing with you eight reasons that if you notice these tips and tackle them, or even a few of them, they will make a significant impact in improving your relationships. This article is part two to why relationships are challenging, with the first part advising that you must be aware, eliminate fear, and do what you know you want to do. When you are not in a “relationship” with someone else, you are still in a relationship with yourself. Notice that these reasons depend on you and not the other person. Let us dive into the other five reasons why it is hard out here and what you can do about it.
Reason #4 Dependency. Dependency can mean a few things. You may be dependent upon the other person emotionally, physically, and or financially. One of the ways I help others develop healthy relationships is to help them understand that the best relationship with themselves is first and foremost. You need no one outside of you to fulfill yourself because you are in a space within your own fulfillment where you can satisfy yourself. When you are dependent on your partner for things you can do yourself, these can be reasons why you will not leave the relationship or get into one that is unhealthy.
You must do what it takes to be self-sufficient, so when the wrong one comes along, you will have no reason to latch on and stay for the wrong reasons. Or be willing to sacrifice until the one who is for you shows up. Am I asking you not to have needs? No. I am asking you to realize the power and strength that you already possess within. You can do anything, and another person is the wrong reason to say you cannot make a change in your life.
Reason #5 Lack of self-awareness. When you are born, you have the whole world to learn. First, you realize that you can lift your head, have hands, crawl, climb, and so on. You explore the outside world and continue to move on from there. In most cases, what you are not taught to do is to continue to learn about yourself. You are taught more of what your parents and the school system have set for you to know. They do not teach you life skills in school, and one vital life skill is emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and manage your emotions. And to be able to do this requires self-awareness. You do this by being mindful of how you think and how you feel. Be aware of your usual reactions, responses, and your character.
I give tips on how to become self-aware in my article Men are Supposed to Cry. This article caters to the men, but women can also benefit from the self-awareness section. With that said, without self-awareness, you may struggle with not knowing what you want and you would lack self-control. Then when unhealthy relationships exist, it can be challenging to understand and navigate. Also, you must see yourself the way others see you. You do not see yourself because of the conditioning to focus on the outside world, other people, places, and all the things to do without knowing that power lies within yourself.
Be Open to Understanding
Reason #6. Lack of Understanding. I advocate personal development; it is the foundation for creating the best relationship with yourself. When you learn more about yourself, this helps you learn more about others, too, because we operate very similarly. Without understanding yourself, your emotions, and your function as a human, things will be very unclear and confusing. In my past, I had no idea why my boyfriend would yell at me and call me out my name. I did not understand why our tempers would get the best of us. What was astonishing is that I could not articulate that my relationship was “abusive” until many years later, after everything has been endured. I had a lack of understanding of him and me, which led to my not knowing how to handle those challenges. I stuck around because I knew no other way.
Understanding yourself helps you to understand the other person as well. Staying in unhealthy situationships is not my vision for you. When you decide to develop yourself apart from what school, society, and sometimes from what your parents may teach, it will make a significant difference in your life and relationships. Seek to develop yourself personally. Take time to focus only on you.
Heal from Your Past
Reason #7. An unhealed past. There is a part of your mind that records and stores past experiences and memories. Your brain works to protect you all. Of. The. Time. Those scary or hurtful memories you do not want to experience again, are all-natural and typical. On the other hand, this protection works well because it will protect you from real and valid danger, and you need it to function daily. The cool thing to know about this is that it does not have to run or ruin your present and future.
First, recognize what it is that continues to creep up on you. Thoughts like this do not have to keep you from moving forward and living the life you deserve. The critical thing to know that if the past is not addressed, this will cause doubt, moments of discomfort, and lack of trust at the very least in a new or present relationship. The key is to realize this and to make a conscious decision not to allow your past to dictate your future. Work on taking the time to heal, forgive, accept, and let it go. If this is not easy for you, there is help for this, no matter how mild or heavy the experience.
There is emotional support and help with this depending on your memory, and it is called neuro-linguistic programming. We all use our senses to receive information from the external, and this is the study of how we process our experiences internally. If you are looking for assistance to eliminate those things that are holding you back that happened in your past, things you believe that are not true, habits that you want to get rid of, you have arrived at the right place. Your Emotions Matter is here for you.
Learn about Emotional Intelligence
Reason #8. Lack of emotional intelligence. Being intelligent in your emotions requires more than being self-aware. To become smart with your feelings, you must first know yourself. This skill also includes you being empathetic, optimistic, and self-motivated. You would also be confident; you would understand others better and have better communication. All of this helps you to manage yourself positively, help with your self-control, and help resolve or even avoid conflicts.
When I realized that I already possessed the power to be all of this because of who my creator created me to be, it was easy to comply. Life and relationships do not have to be as hard as it seems. However, it takes two to do self-work to help make your relationship pleasant. I invite you to learn more about emotional intelligence and focus on this one thing. Why? Because it will help you practice all the previous seven reasons discussed here and in part one.
Allow me to recap the challenges: awareness, fear, not knowing what to do, dependency, lack of self-awareness, lack of understanding, an unhealed past, and emotional intelligence. I understand that these eight reasons are a lot to tackle. I would love to hear what most resonates with you. (To see part one of this article where I discuss the first three reasons, click here.) When you take this relationship advice and really take time to think about what matters, what you will find out is that your mental and emotional health is more important than anything else.
I hear people every day with questions, and the answers lie in these eight tips. Life and your relationships are about choices, choices that would be a whole lot easier to make in how you handle yourself and, indeed, your relationships. Learn to communicate effectively. Even if you must do online counseling where it is private and anonymous or anything it takes to get you to that happy place in your heart and mind, it is beyond worth it. We all need relationship help at some point, why wait?
Click here for Part 1 of this article.
No more relationship challenges. We are here to support and empower you on your journey to your best relationships. Let us know what you think in the comments. Would you like to discuss with us if Your Emotions Matter is a good fit for you? Feel free to contact us by clicking here to have a complimentary one-on-one, 30-minute session with Tiffany. We encourage you to Reach Out, Speak Up, & Create Change. Why? Because…You Matter.
Hello single gentlemen, I am Tiffany J. Norwood, CNLP, CEQP. I encourage the phrase "healthy relationships" to become a part of your heart and mind. I am the founder and CEO of Your Emotions Matter, a certified Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence practitioner, a certified NLP practitioner, a transformational speaker, and an author. (NLP is the study and understanding of how human beings communicate and perceive communication from others). I am the mother of three beautiful young women, and my passion is helping you create power through understanding your emotions. I am from southern California, and in my spare time, I enjoy the shooting range, travel, and any adventurous activity.
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