Men are Supposed to Cry

By Tiffany J | Best Relationship Advice

Men are Supposed to Cry

By Tiffany J | Best Relationship Advice

Aug 07

Single men, are you looking for relationship help and for information on how to manage your emotions? The title of this article may not be an attractive headline as you were taught the opposite. Therefore, in efforts to help you bring about the healthy relationships that you want in your life, I must take you somewhere different from a place where it feels uncomfortable. I am happy that you are here, and that is good because that means you are ready for change.   

What is emotional intelligence?

First, a brief back story about myself. I am here with you today because I struggled many years in a toxic and emotionally abusive marriage. The conflicts, disagreements, and arguments were too many. Were we compatible? I would say not. However, we both said I do and we both tried. What I ask that you focus on here is the one thing that was absent in that relationship. It was emotional intelligence.

The definition of emotional intelligence is: “The ability to recognize our feelings and emotions. To manage our emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships so that they are expressed appropriately and effectively, enabling us to work together toward common goals.” – Peter Salovey 

Why are things challenging now?

When you were told not to cry as a young boy, you were told not to recognize your feelings and emotions. You were taught to suppress how you feel when they said, “Man up!” Be tough and not express fear or pain! Next, to be physically or verbally aggressive to get what you want. You were taught the above because your dad, grandfather, and others were taught the same from the beginning.

You are not Fred Flintstone, who needs to slang dinosaurs to feed Wilma and Pebbles, nor do you have to hunt deer.  That hunter, warrior, and stoic mentality must be toned down.  Toxic masculinity no longer serves you. Fellas, it is okay to cry and to express your emotions. You are a human being, and to shut off your emotions is like shutting out a massive and crucial part of yourself.  

So, you do not talk about your emotions. You proceed with that macho conditioning, and you and your lady continue to clash. It is time to bridge the gap by getting you and the ladies on similar pages to save your relationships and indeed your life. (Shutting down your emotions are known to cause mental health issues and suicide.) I encourage you to do your part by learning how to manage your feelings.

This article is the first of a serious of items to come that will help you with this. I will give one goal today to get you off to a start. Learning to manage your emotions is not something to rush or to take lightly.  And I must add, this is in no way suggested to emasculate you. 

Getting to know yourself involves taking a long and hard look in the mirror. The key is to find the emotions that are inside of you, not what you see physically.

What is self-awareness?

How do I learn to manage my emotions, you may ask? There are steps to this, so please bear with me. Take it a bit at a time—task number 1. Become self-aware. Wikipedia defines self-awareness: the capacity for introspection (the examination of one’s own conscious thoughts and feelings), and the ability to recognize oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals. Now, this is the modern-day “Man up.” This is the best relationship advice for men. 

Why is self-awareness crucial?

Most women become frustrated when they start to get to know you because they say that you lack transparency and vulnerability. They say you are not honest or upfront about who you are, what you want, or how you feel. Why is this? It is because if you are not self-aware, how will you explain who you are to someone else if you do not know? Getting into a relationship with a woman involves way more than getting the bootie. This advice will help you handle everything else she has to offer.  

How to become self-aware.

If you find any of this challenging, please know that your mind is hardwired to protect you and it will defend you from opposing information. It is not you personally. You are built this way as a human being. Therefore, you can choose. Choose to receive this new perspective. Here are several tips:  

  1. Slow down. Take time to pause, breathe, and self-reflect. I suggest that you make this a new habit. Be aware and practice being fully engaged in the present moment.  
  2. Take time to feel how you are feeling, get to know how you think, and reflect on your normal behaviors.
  3. Recognize your strengths and weaknesses.
  4. Be aware that your current feelings, pains, and fears are part of your unconscious mind where your past life experiences, beliefs, and memories are stored. You can develop control over those thoughts and not allow them to affect you in the now.
  5. Notice and name your feelings. For instance, if you are angry, say I feel angry. Doing this will shift this activity from your emotional brain into the rational part of your mind. Doing this helps you to choose how to handle the situation best.
  6. Seek to understand why you are feeling a certain way. Identify the cause and effect of your feelings and take the time to figure out what your emotions are trying to tell you. Your emotions are data. Use this data to come to the best outcome for yourself and others. Also, it is essential to note that there are no “good or bad” emotions. All emotions are valid and are useful when appropriately managed. 
  7. Work on articulating what you want. Be intentional about how you want to show your best self every day. Remember that past experiences are there to protect you and to give you information. Those experiences are not there to hinder your progress. Notice your emotions, do not push them away, and ask yourself, will my reaction best serve me and the situation right now?  

Conclusion

Self-awareness is the prerequisite to emotional health. Emotional intelligence is the prerequisite to all healthy relationships. I encourage you to start today. Contact us if you have any questions or need any assistance. Your Emotions Matter is here for you. We are here to provide emotional support, and we want to help you to communicate effectively. Men, please know that we see you, you are heard, and understood.  

Single gentlemen, we are here to support and empower you on your journey to your best relationships. We would love to hear from you, may you let us know what you think in the comments?  Would you like to learn more?  Feel free to contact us by clicking here to have a complimentary one-on-one, 30-minute session with Tiffany. We encourage you to Reach Out, Speak Up, & Create Change. Why? Because…You Matter.

About the Author

Hello single gentlemen, I am Tiffany J. Norwood, CNLP, CEQP. I encourage the phrase "healthy relationships" to become a part of your heart and mind. I am the founder and CEO of Your Emotions Matter, a certified Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence practitioner, a certified NLP practitioner, a transformational speaker, and an author. (NLP is the study and understanding of how human beings communicate and perceive communication from others). I am the mother of three beautiful young women, and my passion is helping you create power through understanding your emotions. I am from southern California, and in my spare time, I enjoy the shooting range, travel, and any adventurous activity.

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(2) comments

Stephon Leary December 18, 2020

What a phenomenal article. I believe men do need to become more self aware and learn it’s ok to cry. It’s ok to admit some failed you and hurt you that has build up some inner anger resentment and insecurities. I believe Self reflection is one of the most critical tools for healing and freedom. Great job Tiffany!

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    Tiffany J December 19, 2020

    Thank you, Stephon. I am honored that you see the value in this article. Learning to manage emotions is critical to success in life and your relationships. Peace and freedom are priceless!

    Reply
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